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| I wrote:
hey mom.. im in a hurry to write this right now... my phone is mostly off.. but ill turn it on...if u can, just call me on my cell phone.. i have a test tomorrow... wish me luck... wad do u mean by ship it? how do u ship it by sea? i think i have a ticket from shanghai to HK.. ill go recheck later... umm. mom... (u noe how i hate lying to u right?) i have to ask you something? what would u do................................. if i got a tongue ring? its just a hypotheticall question... i just wanna noe wad u wud do.. cus i really really want one... and i dont think i would get one if u'd kill me or something heheh.. i thought about this long and hard long and hard... and at first i thought of getting one without telling u... but then i thought, hmm... why lie when shes going to find out at the end anyway and get myself murdered? hahahah... so yes, here i am asking my mother wad she would think before i get murdered.. hahhaha... but yea, i really really want one.. and i did research on it so it should be perfectly fine... hehhe.. just tell me wad u think... cus i really really want one... (u see, deep down in my deepest darkest inner soul, im hoping u'd MAYBE say yes... but maybe ud say no.. or would u say YES???) hehhe
Love U
Michelle
xoxo
PS. call me if u have the time
PPS. gud luck on wadver ur doing... wish me luck too... =)
My mom replied:
yes you are right.i'd kill you if you lie to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and i'd still kill you if you do one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!that's how much i hate it ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i already have enough headache.
please don't make me more stress.i mean it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's a lots of things in this world
you want to have.but you shouldn't and also can't.i'm not being unreasonable.i even regreat
letting you have the last one.so don't don't and don't!!!!!!!!!!ok
And then sent another one saying:
*********************************************************
Meh, but i want a tongue ring.. i doooooo.. i doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... so whats the new plan??? *sobs*
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| i have finals today, tomorrow and then on monday.. i screwed up in my chem finals today.. its just so... fucked up... i cant believe it.. i couldnt do shit on the test... and there i was expecting myself to get an above 80 average... cus i was confident i knew all there was to noe... but it turns out i was horribly, fascinatingly wrong..... FUCKKKKKK>>>>> not only that! theres so much shit i gotta do... packing.. packing to make sure i bring wdver i need to but have to make sure the damn lugguage isnt overloaded... and then wait another week before i actually go back... but then theres that fleeting feeling like its actually all ending... dammit... why do things have to end when i begin to love them? its always like thisssssssss..... aaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | | |
| my mom wrote: (in an email)
 Michelle,just talked to you.I can feel you are feeling  .I understand that. And it's ok to be like that.But you have to know how to pull out and to think in the bright way.
first of all you are not ugly.Be confident of yourself.You know,confident can show the beauty
of yourself.Let people talk about you.you don't have to listen to them.I was like that before,
even now i still feel like that sometime.Telling myself why life is not so perfect for me.But do
you think there useful?No it's not.You have to be possitive.Life is not perfect.But make the best out of it.Do your best of the life what it is infront of you.Then you will see the result in the future.Cheer up!  Remember that i always love you! I might not be that sensitive. Please tell me what ever you think.We'll go through everthing together.Good or Bad.I'll always
be there for you.  i replied:
hi mom... i realized there will be a moment of high hopes and wishing truths... but yeah.. none of that ever works and hardly half of that comes true.. i wish there was a perfect pill... one you could eat so all ur flaws will become flawless... i hate becoming me.. because i noe there are others that are better.. and i cant accept the fact that some members of my family cant accept me for who i am.. but you dont noe that do u? because i have to appear perfect to other people so that people would think i come from a perfect home.. im sorry to say this.. but its hypocritical bullshit... and the reason im lazing over the fact why im not perfect is because imy family wants perfection too.. subconsciously, thats what you want... and you want to be perfect too.. dont lie.. just admit it... i have to appear perfect to show all of your friends and the "high standard" people that i come from a perfect home... isnt that true? i know that you'd always be there for me.. and i love u too.. but isnt it true? we all demand perfection... and so does our family.. because they sometimes DO judge us that way...
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| remember the sounds.. and then the distinct voices of screams asking for answers.. begging and pleading for him to stop and then the hot sticky tears on my face... remember the pain.. how painfull it was to bear the whips and scorn of everything.. all of it.. everything in between.. but then it stopped for a second.. so as to breathe in and out catching back his breath... and repeat again.. he says hes tired... but i was tired too... i ask for a nap and he'd allow that once in a while... and that was my moment of truce.. a rest from a hard day... i remember i had been called a cow because i had to beaten up just so i could understand... and i hated it all... i wanted to die and runaway... it was more then just the 10inch bruise and blisters and blood clots... it was more then just the constant name-calling and swearing... it was more than that.. and you of all people should know... you'd think i'd forget those moments since it happened when i was ten.. and you'd think i'd forgiven you since it was all over and i had been admitted to the school... and then maybe i had forgiven you then when you hugged me and cried, admitting ur false and apologized whole heartedly.. and yes, maybe right then and there, i forgave... but not today.. because i remembered how bad it hurt... its more than the scars and bruises... its you... dear father, if only you knew... | | |
| remember the sounds.. and then the distinct voices of screams asking for answers.. begging and pleading for him to stop and then the hot sticky tears on my face... remember the pain.. how painfull it was to bear the whips and scorn of everything.. all of it.. everything in between.. but then it stopped for a second.. so as to breathe in and out catching back his breath... and repeat again.. he says hes tired... but i was tired too... i ask for a nap and he'd allow that once in a while... and that was my moment of truce.. a rest from a hard day... i remember i had been called a cow because i had to beaten up just so i could understand... and i hated it all... i wanted to die and runaway... it was more then just the 10inch bruise and blisters and blood clots... it was more then just the constant name-calling and swearing... it was more than that.. and you of all people should know... you'd think i'd forget those moments since it happened when i was ten.. and you'd think i'd forgiven you since it was all over and i had been admitted to the school... and then maybe i had forgiven you then when you hugged me and cried, admitting ur false and apologized whole heartedly.. and yes, maybe right then and there, i forgave... but not today.. because i remembered how bad it hurt... its more than the scars and bruises... its you... dear father, if only you knew... | | |
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